I Need More Money More Power And Less Shit From Stupid People Like You.
Kidd
Tag - english
“दीदार की ‘तलब’ हो तो नज़रे जमाये रखना ‘ग़ालिब’
क्यूंकि ‘नकाब’ हो या ‘नसीब’…..सरकता जरुर है.”
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रफ़्तार कुछ इस कदर तेज है जिन्दगी की..
कि सुबह का दर्द शाम को पुराना हो जाता है..
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जरूरी नहीं रौशनी चिरागों से ही हो.
बेटियाँ भी घर मैं उजाला करती हैं.. !!
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मुझे कुछ अफ़सोस नहीं कि मेरे पास सब कुछ होना चाहिए था ।
मैं उस वक़्त भी मुस्कुराता था जब मुझे रोना चाहिए था ।
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अभी सूरज नहीं डूबा ज़रा सी शाम होने दो”
मैं खुद लौट जाऊँगा मुझे नाकाम होने दो”
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मुझे बदनाम करने का बहाना ढूँढ़ते हो क्यों”
मैं खुद हो जाऊंगा बदनाम पहले नाम होने दो..
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प्यार मैं कोई तो दिल तोड देता है।
दोस्ती मेँ कोई तो भरोसा तोड़ देता है।
जिन्दगी जीना तो कोई गुलाब से सीखे।
जो खुद टूट कर दो दिलों को जोड़ देता है।
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पानी दरिया में हो या आँखों में गहराई और राज़ दोनों में होते हैं!!
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बुलंदियों पर पहुँच कर गुरुर ना करना
सफ़र की ढलान
अभी बाकी है ….!
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घर के सामने वाले पेड़ पर एक “गिरगिट” ने आत्महत्या कर ली है।
सुसाइड नोट में लिखा है……
“मैं आजकल इन्सानों का मुक़ाबला नहीं कर पा रहा हूँ …….
रंग बदलने में”……
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मुझे मालूम है कि ये ख्वाब झूठे हैं और ख्वाहिशे अधूरी हैं..
मगर जिंदा रहने के लिए कुछ गलतफहमियां जरूरी हैं।
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कौन कहता है कि मुसाफिर ज़ख़्मी नहीं होते
रास्ते गवाह हैं बस कमबख्त गवाही नहीं देते ।।
Seeing Santa Singh depressed one of his friends asks him.
“Oye why are you sad?”
To which Santa replies .”I lost Rs 300 in bet.”
His friend ask hims.”How?”
Santa Singh says..”I bet on India for Rs 200.”But unfortunately India lost
His friend queries..”But you said Rs 300.”
Santa Singh answers.”I again bet for India for Rs 100 in the highlights of the match”
The Whatsappia disease!!
1) Waking up in the morning and the first thing you do is check your WhatsApp!
2) Checking peoples “last seen” and judging at what time do they sleep/wake up!
3) Stalking peoples status and wishing that you could have the same one!
4) Checking out a friends profile picture for a rather long time!
5) Continuously checking a persons “last seen” if he/she hasn’t yet replied!
Prize winning message of. the year-???.
A husb went to police station for filing report
For his missing wife:
Husb :
-I lost my wife (misty) she went for shopping & still not reached home yet.
Inspector :
-What is her height ?
Husb:
-I never noticed.
Inspector :
-Slim or healthy ?.
Husb:
-Not slim can be healthy.
Inspector :
-Color of eyes ?
Husb :
-Never noticed.
Inspector :
-Colour of hair ?
Husb :
-Changes according to season.
Inspector :
-What was she wearing?
Husb :
-Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.
Inspector :
-Was she going in a car?
Husb :
-yes.
Inspector :
-Tell me the number name & color of the car?
Husb :
-Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 ltr V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tip tronic automatic transmission
with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door. and then the husb started crying…
Inspector:
-Don’t worry sir…
We will find your car…?
Men will be men 
“GreedY Dog”
Once there was a pukha kutta.
He was very pukha.
He was phiring loor loor.
He look the shop of chacha Fika.
He take one boti from there,
and nassing speedo speed.When he guzra from naalay walay pul ton
He saw one more kutta in pani .
He become very kameena.
His soch was very kuttyan waali.
He tried to kho the boti from duja kutta and lost
apni v boti…
MORAL: Improve ur english or punjabi..
Archery contest:
1st archer, wearing a long cap covering his face, fires an arrow, which finds center of the target.
He takes off his cap & said:
I AM ROBIN HOOD
Crowd cheers
.
2nd archer with a cap fires his arrow, which cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into 2. He takes off his cap & said:
I AM WILLIAM TELL.
Crowd cheers
.
Finally Santa cap fires his arrow.
It flies past the crowd & kills the king
.
Santa takes off his cap & said:
.
I AM
.
.
.
SORRY!
The Day Was Bad
Because Didn’t See Your Face…
The Classes Were unconcentrative
Because Didn’t Heard Your Voice…
Free Times Were Boring
Because You Weren’t There…
In My Face Smile Wasn’t There
Because Didn’t See Your Smile
Didn’t Miss You
Because We Miss That Person Whom We Think Is Not With Us…
But You are Always There In My Heart…
please take a minute to read this.
I know you have problem with
your life you are suicidal broken apart you hate everyone and you think ending your life is the only
solution to get relief from this pain.
Just wanted to let you know that
YOU ARE WRONG!
Life is full of surprises. You maybe
unhappy right now but after 2 years you will be
smiling if YOU TAKE STEP NOW. All you have to
do is smile the real one and make others smile.
According to me a smiling person is a
healthy person. ️:mrgreen:
You have a pretty face then why so much of hatred? Why judge your future? Who knows right after posting this I get a heart attack or while you
commenting on thie status your phone explodes
or
you get a message from an old friend. You don’t need to feel low depressed broken. Be happy and make others happy.
God Ji ne certificate nhi diya h ki dusra janam
hoga.
Now smile it suits you and I love it ️
Here is a place for you and me
A special place for only us too
We have a special bond that no one can see
It’s tightly wrapped in a cocoon
We are fiercely together in this magical place
Even through times when threads might break
But every time a new one awakes
To bring us closer and keep us strong
In this very special place in which together we belong.
A MATHS STUDENT LOVE LETTER
Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by
your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you
with your cute circular face, conical
nose and spherical eyes, standing in
your triangular garden. Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when
a vector of magnitude (likeness) from
your eyes at a deviation of theta
radians made a tangent to my heart, it
differentiated. – – My love for you isa
quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making
good binary relation with me. The
cosine of my love for you extends to
infinity. I promise that I should not
resolve you into partial functions but if
I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an
element to a set. The geometry of my
life revolves around your acute
personality.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagora ..
Scientific Facts :
*A Frenchman will have a wife & a mistress but will always love his mistress more.
*An Englishman will have a wife & 2 girlfriends but will always love his wife more.
*An American will have a wife & 3 girlfriends but
will love his latest girlfriend the most.
*An Indian male will have 1 wife 1 mistress 1 girlfriend 1 neighbour’s wife (setting) but will still love his Mummy the most. =D =)
Japanese couple in an argument..
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!
And you sit and read this as if you understand Japanese!
You are unbelievable
a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fees.
The student struck a deal saying, “I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court.”
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days.Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying, “If I win this case,as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money.”
Equally brilliant student argued back saying, “If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don’t have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don’t have to pay him because I haven’t won my first case yet, So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything.
😂😆😜
Both friends will think the other is busy & will not contact Thinking it may be disturbing. As time passes both will think; let the other c0ntact. After that each will think why should i contact 1st. Here your love will be converted into hate. You will eventually forget each other. So keep in touch with your friends no.
Love is a English word which can represent like: Subah ek ladki ke samne betha he train me aur hi-hello.. Badme dopehr ko chatting samko coffee rat ko dinner Badme honeymoon aur firse subah nai ladki..
Believe in prem which is gujrati word Bt it connect two hearts or means a lot n it’s for life time..
A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’ So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
(scroll and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a “New Wives Store”
just across the street.
The 1st Floor has wives that are good in bed.
The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited. =D
The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad.
“There was once a boy,” she said, “who was so eager to go out and play with his toy plane that he didn’t put a coat or cap on 👳, he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!”
The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said,
“And then … who took his toy plane?”
Husband – hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife – would you like to have some snacks?
Husband – hard disk full.
Wife – have you brought the saree.
Husband – Bad command or file name.
Wife – but I told you about it in morning
Husband – erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife – hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.
Husband – file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife – at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband – sharing violation, access denied.
Wife – i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband – data type mismatch.
Wife – you are useless.
Husband – by default.
Wife – who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband – system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife – what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband – the only user with write permission.
Wife – what is my value in your life?
Husband – unknown virus detected.
Wife – do you love me or your computer?
Husband – Too many parameters..
Wife – i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband – program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife – I will leave you forever.
Husband – close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife – it is worthless talking to you.
Husband – shut down the computer.
Wife – I am going
Husband – Its now safe to turn off your computer